Saturday, August 14, 2010

Small Victory

I just boiled an egg. No joke. You might not think this is noteworthy at all, but trust me. This is in the monumental category. I've been terrified of eggs for quite some time. This is closely tied with my fear of birds. Ornithophobia. It's real: look it up. I'm not the only one....

Every time I crack open an egg, I fear there will be a baby chicken in there, plopping into my cookie dough, scrambled eggs bowl, what have you. Seriously.

While I have yet to determine THE event from which this fear stems, I have no interest in going to a therapist to deal with it....mostly because I'm terrified they're going to make me hold a bird. Here are a couple of reasons why I so do not care for them. This is probably TMI, so just stop reading if it is.
  • I was always "that kid" that birds pooped on when flying over my head.
  • Watching chicks hatch on Sesame Street was one of the most mortifying experiences I remember.
  • I used to think God would punish me for my sins by turning my mattress into a million birds, all squished together, and alive.
  • We'd go to feed the birds at Independence Park, and those creepy ducks with the huge nose/beak things would breathe heavily and chase us and FREAK ME OUT.
  • One Come & Take It weekend, we had a lot of guests staying over, and moved the parakeets (Ariel & King Triton) onto the back staircase. We forgot about them, and they froze to death.
  • When the family would poke fun of my fear, Mom would quote the Matthew 3:16, saying, "The Spirit of God, descending as a dove, settling on Jesus...." BUT NO. The Bible says LIKE a dove, not AS a dove. Big difference.
  • Petrie (sp?), Mom and Trey's pet cockatiel KNEW I hated it, and would fly up to my room and poop on my pillow.
  • We were always late for school when Mom had to take us to St. Ludmila Elementary, but were especially late the morning Petrie died and Mom sat holding the dead bird and crying. I felt like an idiot handing in the excuse note to the teacher.
  • Didn't have enough time to bury the bird in one of our many pet cemeteries, so it was placed in a shoebox and stuck in the freezer for a couple of days. Holy cow.
  • Pirate (Petrie's sickly replacement) was scary looking and wheezed a lot in his short 2-ish weeks with us before keeling over.
  • I can't handle dove hunting and keeping the birds, still warm, in my vest pocket. Just can't do it.
So there. I have my reasons. Eating eggs is a big accomplishment. Gold star for me today.....

2 comments:

  1. Incredible. That is all.

    -Jordan

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  2. How has no one commented on this??! Emily, I very much respect your healthy-ish fear of birds. But you're recollection of these memories has got me laughing to the point I cant stop. And Petrie was my least favorite character on The Land Before Time! Crazy animal.

    I love you, and I am so impressed by your egg victory :)

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