Thursday, March 26, 2009


Raining is a rather unfortunate event for my new haircut. I have been feeling like a frump lately (might have something to do with the suits), but my hair isn't helping the matter. Vanity. Humidity makes my hair stick to my head in the way that always made Mom cringe and exasperatingly say, "Emily! Fluff you HAIR!" when I was young.... or whenever Mom is around...

And so I vainly fluff my hair when no one is looking, for fear of.... appearing self-absorbed.

The trouble I go through to appear low maintenance. It's exhausting.

Procrastinator Strikes Again.

The dust has settled, I am not addicted to Claritin-D, and I should probably get my suits dry cleaned. For some odd reason, I find it incredibly difficult to put forth the effort to go to the dry cleaners. Dangit. And the post office. I have a pile of clothes and a stack of items, all patiently waiting to be taken to the cleaners and post office, respectively..... 

..and yet they sit....

...and sit....

and in a couple of months whenever I finally get around to it, it will feel like such a huge accomplishment that I went to the post office. Or dropped off a pile of clothes at the dry cleaners.

Give me a break.

Allie, any wise words for me?

Saturday, March 21, 2009


"Everything I am is because of my ancestors, sir."
~ Ben Gates, on National Treasure: Book of Secrets

"XY234786. You'll also need to know 3794.... And page 47? You'll need to have a look at that."
~ POTUS, telling Ben Gates where the President's Book of Secrets is in the Library of Congress.

"There's my tax dollars at work, coming to arrest me."
~ Mr. Poole.

Saturday night excitement: watching National Treasure: Book of Secrets and making a patriotic coffee travel mug.

(pictures are clippings from magazines I've collected - except the FVFD (that's Fredericksburg Volunteer Fire Department for all you non-locals) picture with the soldiers - that was from the Independence Day Parade last year).

Speaking of ancestors, I found a really sweet obituary a couple of years ago for my great-great-great-grandmother, who was born in the 1840's and died in 1921:

"They had their struggles and privations incident to the frontier life in the pioneer days, but through it all she proved herself a faithful helpmeet whose nobility of soul was a constant inspiration to the heart of her husband.... May the benedictions of her gentle spirit abide upon them all and challenge them to follow her as she endeavored to follow Christ..."

~ from "The Departure of Mrs. G.F. Hindes by Caroline Fountain


Ode to Claritin-D

My face
once discombobulated
due to pressure from the allergen fairies
My nose
once filled 
with irritating slime when Kleenex was scarce
My throat 
once itchy during inopportune times to cough

now all find rest in 24-hour generic brand Claritin-D.

So what if I feel heavily drugged?
I can BREATHE! I can annunciate between "M" and "N"!

And so, as I stood in line for 30 minutes at Target to get the "over-the-counter" meds that are 
a) not available over the counter
b) force you to stand in line like a drug addict
c) "No ma'am, you can only have one box." 
(to which I replied, "I KNOW, but my node is tuffed and I need to know if Zyrtec or Claritin 12 hour is better for congestion." as I hold up the two cards that grant me ONE of said boxes in case I want to make some meth while on my day off. Do they ever wash those cards? I'm probably getting sick just STANDING here next to all these drug addicts.)

So she gave me the Target-brand 24-hour Claritin-D. Whatever. It works. And now I don't have to waste so many precious moments of my life by taking TWO pills in 24 hours. I take ONE pill, because I deserve to have medicine that doesn't waste my time.*

****NOTE: does anyone else notice the alarming frequency with which the phrase "You deserve it!" is advertised?

"You deserve to have stylish glasses that fit your face."
 - Excuse me? No. You are an idiot if your self-worth comes from the style of your glasses. So I have stylish glasses. They don't fit my face. Do you hear me on the streets demanding my RIGHT to have better-fitting glasses?!?

"Because you're worth it."
 - No Andie McDowell, no amount of hair color can make you look like a woman.

"You deserve to live in a nice home."
 - No, you have not contributed anything to this world besides raising our obesity and welfare numbers. Get a job and EARN some of your own money, so you can buy a home. 

We deserve so much less than what we have. Ungratefulness is absolutely poisonous.

I'm going to decorate my "Create your very own Tumbler." Because I DESERVE to have a cute cuppa joe. ;-)

Randomness #1

This post will be very random. Fear of not appearing collected/organized has kept me from recent posting (that and my sick face), but I'm BACK. 

1. I've been watching Band of Brothers on the History Channel for most of the afternoon. LOVE IT. Love the interviews with the WWII veterans in between: it just melts my heart. I'm trying to envision what it must have been like to go through the things that those men did (and that our current servicemen are), and during one of the episodes, I get a call from Kyle in Iraq. Words cannot express how incredibly indebted I am to our military: past and present.

2. I have recently developed an unhealthy obsession with Andy Sandberg's SNL "music video" "I'm on a Boat." Favorite line: "I'm on a boat AND it's going fast AND I got a nautical-themed pashmina afGHAN"..... It's crass and the censored version is still bad, but it's FUNNY. Last night, we went to a Concert for Epilepsy that was, you guessed it, ON A BOAT. I wore a pashmina, although it wasn't nautical-themed, and despite the fact that the boat was docked and country music was blaring... we were still on a boat. Cognitive Dissonance Theory.... or something like that.

3. It is smart to drink Smart Water. I am a complete sucker for electrolyte-enhanced water, but it WORKS!! It was how I was able to hop on my bike and bike 20 miles to downtown Alexandria and back... regardless of the fact that I hadn't ridden my bike in..... a very long time. So glad I have all this cool gear to make me look like a legitimately awesome cyclist.... except for my helmet. I decided to save money (paid $60 instead of $80+) on my helmet... but have since discovered that no legit cyclists have bulky white helmets like mine. Come to think of it, it reminds me of my bulky white helmet I had in elementary school that made me feel like even more of a klutz than I already was. Am. Whatever. Smart Water. Nectar of the gods for the athletically challenged. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I love sneezing. It's really fun. When you cannot sneeze, it's not so much fun. You stand there and wait for the sneeze to overwhelm you.... 

...and wait....

...and wait....

...and by this time your eyes are watering uncontrollably so you look like you're crying because you've just been beaten... and are standing your ground anticipating another punch.. all the while flaring your nostrils involuntary in some insane tribal stance.

That's what it feels like to need to sneeze and not be able to. This is what I like to call Phase 3 of Emily's Allergy Journey, and I'm easing my way into this phase today.

Yes, boys and girls, I'm sick. Apparently the greater Washington DC area has it out for me: it's a cesspool of pollen and mold and other fun allergens. Looks like I'll have to break down and visit an allergist. Drat.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Do I look like a tourist?

Proud to say that I must look like a local. Maybe it's that authoritative step forward into the fray. Maybe it's the gleam in my eye. Whatever it is, I've been asked by three people (who obviously view me as someone who knows the area) how to get to such-and-such. AND I was able to a) answer correctly an b) send them on with confidence.

Take THAT, you naysayers! Texas can navigate in the capital of your growing government's capital with the best of 'em.... kind of :).

Saturday, March 7, 2009

tengo una chamba!!


I'll be starting Monday morning at International Justice Mission, an incredible nonprofit that works for justice in 14 other countries. I'll be in the Field Operations Division. Check out the website!! 

A HUGE answer to prayer! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement during the past month!! I've learned a lot about faith, trust, and not striving needlessly.


Follow-up post.

Follow up:
1. The neighbors have a cat. Or a pygmied hairy ferret... which is also a possibility thanks to global warming. You know global warming makes things all cRaZy.

2. I have eaten so many Chili Mangoes (dried mangoes rolled in chili powder) that my tongue hates me.

3. I will never again (at least not for a long time) go to Georgetown on a pretty Saturday afternoon. It took 2 hours to cross the Key bridge, find a parking spot, go to one store (Banana Republic - they charged me too much yesterday so I went back to tell them what's what), and cross the Key bridge again. Fake bejeweled hot pink fingernails on a chalkboard. With a fifi dog in the purse.

What is this?!?!

I think my neighbors have a ferret. Perhaps I'm overreacting.... but what, pray tell, is THIS??

Some little dish filled with cedar shavings or something... with a ball around the edge... and I don't know what else. As you may know, I have an ungodly fear of rodents. Do these people just let a hamster or guinea pig scuttle around their apartment? That's why I'm assuming it's a ferret. That's more common, right? Disgusting. 

Thankfully, I haven't heard any scratching noises... BUT I have heard my fair share of snoring (when will it end?!?!) and whining, "But sweeeetieeee, you're never hooooommmee...." and "tickle wars." ergh. I need a sound machine.

If anyone knows what this is, please let me know. If I'm out on my balcony and see a ferret, I just might freak out.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Blast the Hydrangea....

I was being such a good gardener. Remembered to feed the flower, gave it sunshine, gazed at it lovingly, and what did it decide to do? It is withering on me. Perhaps I kept it too close to the window. I don't know. Rest in peace, Valentine's Hydrangea. I will keep you for a few more days to see if you bounce back. If not, I'm swearing off gardening till the spring.

Jack Fruit!!!!

This has been an incredible day. Let me share a smidgen of it with you. This instance is rather colossal in nature, so please prepare yourself. 

Background: When in Indonesia, Jordan and I "discovered" a strangely good fruit that tasted a lot like Gushers candy. It was mainly served in drinks - fresh jack fruit drinks that gave me a sugar high much more than Mountain Dew ever has. I've been on the lookout for said fruit for some time its purest form (and not in loaded-with-preservatives cans at Fiesta)...and lo and behold, thanks to Gigi and Natalie, I found it! At Grand Mart! (Incredible grocery store that has tons of ethnic food. More culinary adventures to come).

And now I present "How to Eat Jack Fruit" by yours truly. 

This is a slice of jack fruit. The white substance above and below the yellow fruit has the texture of a mushroom, but is not eaten (I tried). The white ovals are the seeds.
...and the outside....
Yeeck! The stringy things are super sticky in an annoying way, like spiderwebs.
Ok, this is kinda gross, but I am posting it anyway (used the "action" setting on my beloved camera). I'm squeezing the seed out of the fruit.

Yay for jackfruit. That is all.